I have been reading Barbara Sher's book Refuse to Choose, and I've discovered that I am, in her terms, a Scanner; someone who loves to learn for the joy of it. I have become knowledgable in many different skills, but I'm not a master of any of them. I have many interests, and once I have accomplished some success, I move on. It drove my parents and in-laws crazy! They would always question me as to what I would do with a skill once I learned it. I just wanted to learn the skill - like making jewelry - I hadn't thought of what do with it after that. So then I'd get caught up in how can I turn this new skill into something profitable for me - this usually caused me to loose interest in what I was learning. It was the pressure that what I did had to be useful.  I've learned to pick activities that are quick and fast to complete just so that I have something to show for my effort before I race off on another tangent of interest. I have become a jack of many trades, master of none. Not necessarilty a quailty that is well received by others.

I've come to the realization that yes, what I have learned has been useful - just not in the ways society as a whole might use it. Making braclets helped me understand metals, the different types of materials used to make beads, how colors interacted with each other as well as different textures. My quilting is along the same lines. I have braclets and quilted wall hangings that will never hang in a museum - but they add color, interest and warmth to my walls.

I'm wondering if being a scanner is genetic: my mother was a scanner, I married a scanner, my friends are scanners, my children are scanners...

 

When my grandmother was 70 years old, she turned her TV off - just too much violence and hate. She lived the next 10 years listening to religious programs on her radio. I thought she was silly to not be informed about the going - ons in the world.

In my sweet mid-age, I turned the TV off. I've spent the last 4 years "uninformed". I can't say that I've missed anything. When there were issues that I needed to be informed about, I found the information I needed in order to make my decisions. I've managed to not be swayed as much by the cultural hysteria that permeates our society.

The emotional impact for me has been a sense that I'm more in control of my decisions, not some politician or news reporter. I've also noticed that I'm not as angry as I use to be; I'm also less likely to feel like a victim. I'm also more likely to listen to and hear the other side of the story. Over all, my reaction to my fellow human beings has softened; my touch on other people's lives is driven by compassion, not by dogma and an overwhelming sense of I'm right - you're wrong. I have become more tolerant of other people's ideas.

Naïve? I think it is naïve to believe that by focusing on the terrible god awfuls that we can solve them; that by being inundated by them every time we turn the TV on or listen to the news we will be able to stop them. It cramps our creativity and leaves us reacting in a like manner. We've spent so much time focusing on the "awful" that it seems to be the only thing that is happening. Too bad we don't spend half as much time on reporting the "good". Would people support a "Good News" network? I don't know. Sometimes I think that as a society we've numbed ourselves to life and can no longer make a difference.

 

"The habit of thinking in terms of what should be or what should not be tends to make us willful and tyrannical...tyrannical words produce tyrannical attitudes and these in turn provoke tyrannical and rebellious reactions...'should' tends to trigger negative reactions and resistance."
                                                                       Thomas Hora  Beyond the Dream

My mother spend most of my life telling me what I should do and what I shouldn't do. I rebelled and I resisted every chance I got. There were even times when she was right, but I was determined not to do it her way. I spent a lot of my children's lives telling them what they should do and what they shouldn't do, and they rebelled! I also wised up a bit and realized that it was their life - they were the ones who had to find out for themselves what was good or bad, right or wrong. Once I stopped judging them, my relationship with them improved and grew. And you know what? My children, for the most part, found out what was right and decided on what was good and no one was hurt in the process. There were some painful relationships, but in the end, they came into an understanding of right and good that all of my "should's" would never have led them to.

I still resist when someone tells me "You Should...." ; I even resist when I tell myself "I should!" I'm also learning that sometimes it is easier if I think through my immediate negative reactions and decide whether this "should" is in my best interest. I've made some good decisions recently based on what people say I should do ... I've also kept myself out of trouble by resisting. Maybe this is a sign that I'm growning up...we can only hope.

alifeofchoice.com

"One day a husband's Wife died, and on that clear, cold morning, in the warmth of their bedroom, the Husband was struck with the pain of learning that sometimes there isn't anymore. No more hugs, no more special moments to celebrate together, no more phone calls just to chat, no more "just one minute." Sometimes, what we care about the most gets all used up and goes away, never to return before we can say good-bye, say

  

"I love you."

  
So while we have it, it's best we love it, care for it, fix it when it's broken and heal it when it's sick. This is true for marriage ... And old cars ... And children with bad report cards, and dogs with bad hips, and aging parents and grandparents. We keep them because they are worth it, because we are worth it.

I was thinking...I could die today, tomorrow or next week, and I wondered if I had Any wounds needing to be healed, friendships that needed rekindling or three words needing to be said.

Let every one of your friends know you love them. Even if you think they don't love you back, you would be amazed at what those three little words and a smile can do.

Live today to the fullest because tomorrow is not

promised. "
                                                                                          anonymous


alifeofchoice.com

I have heard a lot lately about how "hope" can be a defeating attitude -

What I have come to understand is that sometimes Hope is the best you can do under the given circumstances.
It becomes the thread that keeps you going; it keeps you sane.
Out of the threads of Hope, a circle and web of support are born, lifting you up out of dark fears into the light of faith and trust.

alifeofchoice.com

How many times have we ached to be touched, to be held, to have some one else hold our demons at bay for just a little while so we could catch our breath?
Yet we are afraid to ask -
   It might bother someones' busy life
   It might cause uncomfortable-ness because we are in need and those we ask are  
     unable to fulfill it
   People might not answer our cry and then we'd know we were alone

Yet if we asked
  Some small hand, a soft word, a hug might chase the demons away
   And we would realize we are loved.

Carolyn

alifeofchoice.com

"Courage means living with heart and doing what you want when you're scared."
                                                                                                         Dr. Bloomfield

Now that I'm a "grown" woman, I think back on my life and those times when opportunities were presented to me that would change my life - and I backed down. I was afraid. And now I'm left wondering "What if..."

My biggest stumbling blocks are Fear of Change and Lack of Faith in myself. I like my life - which is a good thing - this is where I am! experiencing the kind of life I've strived toward - but I have to admit that it all leaves me feeling a bit unfulfilled, like there is something more that I could do. Not that I "should" do, but "could" do - there is a difference. 

As a grandmother, I have a responsibility to be a positive role model. Wondering "What if...." isn't the best model I could be. I can't help a young girl to realize the potential that is within her if I haven't reached to express and experience the potential that is within me. It is time to lay down the fears of change, to recall those times I was courageous and to act today from that enery, to shift my focus from the fear of failing others and realize the greatest mistake I could ever make is to fail myself.  

I am thankful that at least for today, I have some inkling as to what my potential is and I take those steps that help me fulfill my potential in a loving, peaceful, thoughtful, kind way.

alifeofchoice.com

"...don't move the way fear makes you move."
                                                                                    Rumi




alifeofchoice.com

My husband and I spent yesterday trimming the trees in our yard. As we have a small forest, this is a huge task! After we got it all done, wood cut and branches stacked, we both melted down on the cool floor of our house. As we were recovering, we discussed the age vs. bouncing back thing; the "we get older, it gets harder to bounce back after we do the big yard projects" thing.
 
I got to thinking about it - we did an extensive dead wood trim out of the trees about 10 year ago. And you know what - those trees have grown in the last 10 years. They are now close to 40 feet high, have a branch circumference of well over 25 feet - in other words, the trees are about twice as big as they were 10 years ago. So we are doing twice the amount of work, in the same amount of time and we are getting old? We aren't bouncing back like we use to? I don't think so.

So that got me to thinking about other projects that we do that seem to take us more time to recover from. And yeah know what? It is the same thing - we painted the kitchen this summer - we've done it before - but this time we took the time to paint the insides of the cabinets and I also cleaned out the stuff we don't use. Of course it is going to take more time! And I'm not so sure that I would have been any better at folding myself up into the small shelf spaces in order to paint 10 years ago. In fact, because I've been climbing, I'm probably in better shape than I was back then.

So what is this about recovery time? It appears that I'm trying to do more than I used to in less time or at least the same amount of time. Maybe I should keep this in mind next time I think I'm getting old. Maybe I'm just trying to do more.

alifeofchoice.com

"Be clear about what you have come to give, and give it."
                                                                                               K. Hearn

What you have to contribute is important. Be open to receive what others have to give - what they have to contribute is also important.